Decisions

So, it's been almost two weeks since my last post and I've done a LOT of thinking and praying.  By the way, I will be unapologetic in this blog, giving credit and praise to God for every open door and every road block along this journey.  I have no doubt that it is his Spirit that has prompted me to begin this journey and I intend to obey and depend on Him for the wisdom and resources to get through it.  The journey ahead seems impossible to me on many different levels so if it's going to happen, it's going to be a miracle that will point directly to Him, for His glory.

That said, I have not been able to get all of this out of my head.  I've been on my knees asking God why? Why me?  Why now?  Why not a couple of years ago when I had a decent income living in the US?  Why now when my income is lowest it's been in twenty-five years?  I've gone through emotions of excitement at the prospect of having two little boys call me dad, to absolute fear that there might be two little boys calling me dad and looking to me for their every need.  Looking at me as a role model.  Looking to me comfort them.  Then I'm back to a sense of peace knowing that God is MY father and He is the example that I need to follow.  He provides for my needs and He will provide for the needs of these boys.

You'll notice that I'm say "boys" here and not "boy" or "child".  That's because I feel a overpowering sense of clarity that God intends for me to adopt siblings and specifically two brothers.  Don't ask me to explain this.  I don't believe I've every felt God calling and directing me quite like this before.  I just have this overwhelming feeling that God has two boys that He's preparing me to take care of.  Maybe that won't be the case but I honestly, in my gut, feel that I will have two sons in the not too distant future.  Who am I to stand in the way of God's plans.

The next step is to get a phone consultation with the adoption agency. I have some questions that I need answered as a confirmation one way or the other, before I proceed. In the mean time, I have begun taking online classes through Adoption Learning Partners ( www.adoptionlearningpartners.org ).  I've completed three so far and I am surprised at how helpful and enlightening they are. I HIGHLY recommend them for anyone considering adoption; whether you're just now thinking about it, are in the process of adoption, or have even recently brought a child home.

Everyday is an emotional roller coaster already and I'm just on the Scooby Doo coaster at the moment.  Thank God for his provision of friends and family that I can turn to as the hills and valleys become higher and deeper.  Next post after my consultation with the agency....hopefully in a day or two.