So, it's been almost two weeks since my last post and I've done a LOT of thinking and praying. By the way, I will be unapologetic in this blog, giving credit and praise to God for every open door and every road block along this journey. I have no doubt that it is his Spirit that has prompted me to begin this journey and I intend to obey and depend on Him for the wisdom and resources to get through it. The journey ahead seems impossible to me on many different levels so if it's going to happen, it's going to be a miracle that will point directly to Him, for His glory.
That said, I have not been able to get all of this out of my head. I've been on my knees asking God why? Why me? Why now? Why not a couple of years ago when I had a decent income living in the US? Why now when my income is lowest it's been in twenty-five years? I've gone through emotions of excitement at the prospect of having two little boys call me dad, to absolute fear that there might be two little boys calling me dad and looking to me for their every need. Looking at me as a role model. Looking to me comfort them. Then I'm back to a sense of peace knowing that God is MY father and He is the example that I need to follow. He provides for my needs and He will provide for the needs of these boys.
You'll notice that I'm say "boys" here and not "boy" or "child". That's because I feel a overpowering sense of clarity that God intends for me to adopt siblings and specifically two brothers. Don't ask me to explain this. I don't believe I've every felt God calling and directing me quite like this before. I just have this overwhelming feeling that God has two boys that He's preparing me to take care of. Maybe that won't be the case but I honestly, in my gut, feel that I will have two sons in the not too distant future. Who am I to stand in the way of God's plans.
The next step is to get a phone consultation with the adoption agency. I have some questions that I need answered as a confirmation one way or the other, before I proceed. In the mean time, I have begun taking online classes through Adoption Learning Partners ( www.adoptionlearningpartners.org ). I've completed three so far and I am surprised at how helpful and enlightening they are. I HIGHLY recommend them for anyone considering adoption; whether you're just now thinking about it, are in the process of adoption, or have even recently brought a child home.
Everyday is an emotional roller coaster already and I'm just on the Scooby Doo coaster at the moment. Thank God for his provision of friends and family that I can turn to as the hills and valleys become higher and deeper. Next post after my consultation with the agency....hopefully in a day or two.
Sunday, 7 August 2011
Tuesday, 26 July 2011
The Journey Begins
I'm a 46 year old single Christian guy. I recently moved to Malaysia to work at an International school. Not long after I arrived I started getting these thoughts in my head about adopting...seriously! I always thought I would be like most every one else, get married (younger) and have kids. But, that hasn't happened for me. I've had fleeting thoughts over the past fifteen years ago or so that I would like to adopt a child, even if by chance I did get married and had biological children of my own. To adopt as a single parent, much less a single dad, was just not a consideration. So why now? I can only say that it's God prompting me at this point. The feeling that He is wanting me to adopt, that he has a child, or siblings, waiting for ME is just so strong that I'm finding it hard to shake.
About four weeks ago I suddenly found myself searching the Internet to see if this was even possible. Do laws allow for single men, especially at my age, to adopt? I have friends that have adopted that gave me excellent advice. Go through an accredited agency and do not cut corners. I also needed an agency that knew the laws of international adoptions. My search immediately took me to the Adopt Abroad Agency (www.adopt-abroad.com)which is Hague accredited and deals specifically with expats and international adoptions. Browsing through their web site I found that a number of countries allow for single women to adopt but very few allow single men to adopt. I'm sure there are reasons but...I suddenly felt like this was very unfair. I can understand that there are some very sick men out there that have abused children but, there are a lot of women that do the same thing. Not all of of single older men are bad people. One country that does allow singe men to adopt, and even seems to encourage it for older child adoptions, is the Philippines, which is perfect for me. I've met a number of Filipinos and even attended a Filipino church in Taiwan for a while. They are some of the friendliest, sincere, and unassuming people that I've ever met. So, I'm now looking to adopt from the Philippines!!
I love kids. I've worked with kids for many years and I love being "Uncle Jim". I was fine being just "Uncle Jim" too. As much as I would like to be married and have children, I'm perfectly content with where God has lead me so far and I'm quite content with what God could do with me if I were to remain single, and childless, for the rest of my life on this planet. "Uncle" rather than "Dad" is okay. It's just when you get into that kind of thinking that God likes to shake things up a bit and let you know that we can't really know His mind completely and he sometimes likes to shake things up a bit to get our attention. So, I feel like God is calling me to be more. To be a father and role model to a child (or siblings) that need ME specifically. I know that this will be impossible to do on my own JUST as I know that nothing is impossible for God. "With man this is impossible, but with God ALL things are possible" (Matthew 19:26).
I'm starting this process slow trying to find as much information as I can. I've started filling out the background check and application information. I'm reading all the information I can find on the adoptions process; forums, testimonies, laws, blogs, etc. Unfortunately there is VERY little out there about single men adopting. Most that I've found are quite out dated. If anyone has any resources on support groups for single adoptive dads, PLEASE post them on here.
I just wanted to put this out here too. I didn't think of the costs involved right away but a friend, and a few forums have indicated just how expensive the process can be. I really have no idea how much it's going to cost to adopt a child, much less more than one, from the Philippines if I should be approved by the ICAB. I had been up thiking about this last week for most of one night then the next day a colleague gave testimony of some things that happened in here life where raising money seemed impossible and if she had knows the cost ahead of time she probably would have backed out. She didn't and God provided. She said she had always been raised to never make "God" decisions based on money. I needed to hear that. I know that if this is truly what God wants me to do, if he has a child (or siblings) that he wants me to take care of, He will provide the means to make it happen.
This is the start of my journey and I'm in it all the way whether the end result is that I become a dad or not or maybe God simply testing me to see if I'm really willing to go all-in. Either way, I'm excited for the journey, frustrations, pain and all. Prayer support is most welcome, friends!
About four weeks ago I suddenly found myself searching the Internet to see if this was even possible. Do laws allow for single men, especially at my age, to adopt? I have friends that have adopted that gave me excellent advice. Go through an accredited agency and do not cut corners. I also needed an agency that knew the laws of international adoptions. My search immediately took me to the Adopt Abroad Agency (www.adopt-abroad.com)which is Hague accredited and deals specifically with expats and international adoptions. Browsing through their web site I found that a number of countries allow for single women to adopt but very few allow single men to adopt. I'm sure there are reasons but...I suddenly felt like this was very unfair. I can understand that there are some very sick men out there that have abused children but, there are a lot of women that do the same thing. Not all of of single older men are bad people. One country that does allow singe men to adopt, and even seems to encourage it for older child adoptions, is the Philippines, which is perfect for me. I've met a number of Filipinos and even attended a Filipino church in Taiwan for a while. They are some of the friendliest, sincere, and unassuming people that I've ever met. So, I'm now looking to adopt from the Philippines!!
I love kids. I've worked with kids for many years and I love being "Uncle Jim". I was fine being just "Uncle Jim" too. As much as I would like to be married and have children, I'm perfectly content with where God has lead me so far and I'm quite content with what God could do with me if I were to remain single, and childless, for the rest of my life on this planet. "Uncle" rather than "Dad" is okay. It's just when you get into that kind of thinking that God likes to shake things up a bit and let you know that we can't really know His mind completely and he sometimes likes to shake things up a bit to get our attention. So, I feel like God is calling me to be more. To be a father and role model to a child (or siblings) that need ME specifically. I know that this will be impossible to do on my own JUST as I know that nothing is impossible for God. "With man this is impossible, but with God ALL things are possible" (Matthew 19:26).
I'm starting this process slow trying to find as much information as I can. I've started filling out the background check and application information. I'm reading all the information I can find on the adoptions process; forums, testimonies, laws, blogs, etc. Unfortunately there is VERY little out there about single men adopting. Most that I've found are quite out dated. If anyone has any resources on support groups for single adoptive dads, PLEASE post them on here.
I just wanted to put this out here too. I didn't think of the costs involved right away but a friend, and a few forums have indicated just how expensive the process can be. I really have no idea how much it's going to cost to adopt a child, much less more than one, from the Philippines if I should be approved by the ICAB. I had been up thiking about this last week for most of one night then the next day a colleague gave testimony of some things that happened in here life where raising money seemed impossible and if she had knows the cost ahead of time she probably would have backed out. She didn't and God provided. She said she had always been raised to never make "God" decisions based on money. I needed to hear that. I know that if this is truly what God wants me to do, if he has a child (or siblings) that he wants me to take care of, He will provide the means to make it happen.
This is the start of my journey and I'm in it all the way whether the end result is that I become a dad or not or maybe God simply testing me to see if I'm really willing to go all-in. Either way, I'm excited for the journey, frustrations, pain and all. Prayer support is most welcome, friends!
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